- Child Custody False Allegations - Two Tools You Can Use to Defend Against This Very Personal Attack
There is nothing that is more surprising or hurtful than the bitter sting of a personal attack. And no attack is more personal than being falsely accused of something that involves your child. Whether it is an accusation of directly harming the child like a physical assault, or mental abuse, or if it is an accusation in an attempt to keep you from seeing your child like drug, or alcohol abuse it is all very personal.
One of the worst things about it is that you realize, in a very personal way, how venerable everyone is to these false allegations. Of course the focal point that makes this such a horrendous offense is that it could cost you time and even a relationship with your child. And it is that hard wired genetic parental sense of protection that gets triggered. It isn't really about you, it is about keeping your child safe. And here you are being faced with leaving them in the protection of someone who has no problem with harming their relationship.
The 2 major problems you typically face with false allegations are:
1: The element of surprise. This is normally sprung on you and you have no idea it was coming.
2: The difficulty of disproving a negative. There is no good answer to "Have you stopped beating your wife?"
On the other hand you do have to tools that work in your favor.
1: The complete lack of a documented history. While you probably have loads of email or texts complaining about clothes, food, or something trivial. Where's the major allegations complaints?
2: The motivation driving the allegation. Why resort to false allegations? You must be doing something right.
Because it caught you off guard, you were not prepared to deal with it as quickly as you should. Depending on the type of allegation and how it came about, you may find yourself kept from your child, or finding it in court documents that were served on you. Either way it is an unpleasant feeling.
If you find yourself talking to a CPS worker or court worker unexpectedly, you should make sure you ask the question, if they know you are in a high conflict custody battle. This in most instances is all they need to hear. If you don't say that and find yourself in much more dire straits, then share some email or texts with the investigator. Then ask the question, if this is such a horrible crime, why is the other parent concerned with daily tasks in their communication with you? Why not address this horrible accusation directly?
While you cannot directly disprove a negative, you can point the light and ask why now? Above all, don't panic. This normally means you were doing well and they fear losing control. Keep your cool and ask why now? Why this? Why not before? These cases are painful but they can be won if you ask the right questions. - Child Custody False Allegations, Ugly Tactics, What does a Sincere Parent to do?
When an upstanding, trustworthy, hardworking parent get's surprised by an angry ex it can really upset you to your center. After all, all you ever vowed to do was be the best parent and partner you could be. When the union stopped you had no idea that you were going to be compelled to explore the boundaries of the freakish and twisted too.
After you've spent a long time with someone, shared happiness, sorrow, triumphs, and losses together, you may take for granted that even if you don't stick together at least you can work together for the best interest of your child. Maybe you didn't spend a long time married but still had a child with this person, the same level of trust gets presumed. And even if you only knew each other for a short time you never gave anyone cause to believe you were a horrifying person.
No matter which situation fits you, it all comes down to having the other parent falsely accuse you of things that could not be farther from the truth. Why would they do that? Because they are embittered, things are not going their way or even worse, things may be going well for you. If you think about it, I'm sure you will be able to uncover their motivation.
But why did they falsely accuse you not only of a thing you did not do, but something that they know you would never do? Simple, because it disturbs you and puts you off of your "doing well" streak. You see the best defense is a good offense. If you are busy struggling for yourself, there is no way for you to continue to show what a great parent you are.
So what's does an trustworthy parent to do? Easy, get back on offense. Your offense changes from talking about what a excellent parent you are, to confronting the charge. You see, courts, mediators, evaluators, and Child Protective Services have all been around long enough to see this before you and your ex came along. You just remind them of it.
The first thing you do is simple, deny the charge. No need to be fancy, just a matter of fact "no, not me". Then you back that up with, "you know we are in a high conflict custody battle? Apparently, the case is not going their way". Then question why this never came up before. Speak about all the minor things that the other parent contacted you about before. How could they worry about all those minute details if this was true? Realize that you are now in a serious battle and document everything. Time is your ally.
If you are high conflict there will be a reluctance from the courts about allowing joint custody. Because of this you will need to educate yourself about parallel parenting. This is different from co-parenting. Educate yourself about it and hold to it.
Now, armed with the knowledge that you were making progress, the fact that you can document this was never a problem, and the knowledge of parallel parenting, you can use the false allegation and turn it to your favor. That is the power an honest parent has against evil tactics.
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